Interview with "The Telly Nelly"

With us today, we have the venerable "Telly Nelly," a gay television critic and freelance writer who lives somewhere in New England. We both share a love, specifically, of "Project Runway," the high-fashion-tv-show created by German knockout Heidi Klum.

How are you doing today, Nelly? Is it okay to refer to you as this, or would you prefer your real name? Or maybe a combination?

Dear, sweet innocent Thomas, I can’t tell you how it pains me each and every day to share a moniker with a famous music star/producer – each and every morning I get up and shake the sleep from my eyes, hoping for a juicy Telly Nelly Google hit to complement my coffee. But it’s always Nelly raps this, Nelly hip-hop that…blah! (And help me Jebus, have you read his bio? http://www.nelly.net/main.html. Goodness!) Friends call me the Telly Nelly, but you can call me Hank. (No cuddling on the first date but we can shower together if you stay for dessert.) Just so you know, I don’t like Heidi Klum. I think she looks like souvlaki.

How does "Project Runway" fit into your world view of television reality shows?

Oh dear…”Project Runway” in my mind is the yummy chum of reality, no more so than this season. You see, most television viewers who espouse the hatred of the reality genre have done so out of a general dislike of seeing contestants eat live spiders or spear wild boar whilst pooping in some ditch in the steamy jungles of Borneo. How do you relate to that? Enter “Project Runway,” the reality show based on…talent and design! Immediately you raise the elitist factor by not just letting *anyone* in and then you add the fashion element to give it a programming hook everyone can relate to. (We Americans might not know what we like, but we sure do know what we hate!) Those former reality snobs smell the fresh blood in the water and come to investigate. Once you see the show once, you’re either hooked or not interested – but most stay on the line. And NBC (who owns Bravo) was brilliant to start airing season three on NBC a week late – the numbers for this past week’s “Project Runway” beat last season’s finale and was the most watched program on cable and broadcast TV. That’s huge! No other reality show can garner that kind of attention this summer and Bravo’s raking in the viewers.

Each season seems to invoke a different flavor. For instance, Season One was mockingly called "Project Drunkway" and Season Two was at times full of hot air (i.e. designers spending too much time defending their pieces with words more than actions). Do you feel like a tone has been set for Season 3?

Season three was supposed to be all about innovation, but I’m not sure that we’ve seen a lot of that. The designers on a whole do seem far more talented than last season, but I can’t say that any of the challenges so far have been overly novel. Though it was enjoyable when they had to tear the suites apart for material, I was hoping they wouldn’t get refurnished for some added drama! As always, the theme is expect the unexpected – Bravo’s rather good at that.

In PR3:3, the challenge involved America's favorite accessory - the toy-sized pooch. Is this long overdue or what? Are you an animal person? How else can fashion lead the way in an unpredictable and (sometimes) hostile world?

You know, I’m a big fan of the accessory pet. (Not necessarily of the elusive cat mind you, I need a pet I can flaunt in the now!) For a while I thought of starting up my own celebrity pet magazine, but it turned out one already existed and sweet Jesus, who needs that much competition in such a small niche. (Can you imagine Tori Spelling trying to decide on “Celebrity Pet” or “Celebrity Pet NOW!” at the checkout? There are no words…) I was hoping for more from the designers actually…I thought the dogs should have had little pets with outfits too, like salamanders or perhaps very well-trained daddy longlegs. (Oh, the footwear possibilities!) It’s interesting you should mention fashion and hostility, I think there’s definitely an unexplored link. Why do poorly dressed people (sometimes from other cultures, true, but still horribly dressed in the grand scheme of fashion) always start the wars? I think poorly dressed people are to blame for pretty much every war that’s ever happened in fact, and I’m not drinking! (And those little blue pills were aspirin, I swear!)

In PR3:4, Keith was kicked off (righteously in my view) for possessing dressmaking reference books? What an idiot! Please tell me you condemn such behavior.

Well, he was stupid, plain and simple. But wasn’t it odd that a first-time dress maker made such cool stuff? The shame, the shame. Those that don’t play by the rules get the boot and thems the rules baby. It was time. Kayne just kinda gave him a push in the right direction, that’s all. (Girlfriend, you can tell he’s got pageant experience, eh?)

If you had to kick anyone else off for other infractions who would it be in each season?

Oh god. Death to Wendy Pepper from season one for reasons of insanity – that damn Nancy O’Dell must die too, she’s the one that picked her dress over my favorite Austin Scarlett! From season two, I thought Chloe should go for basically designing the same dress every challenge. But then again, I’m a bitch.

I am quite partial to Cayne from Oklahoma this year, but also enjoy Uli's designs and that nice blonde girl, Alison. Do you have a favorite designer? What about in past seasons?

That’s Kayne with a K darling, not a C. He’d have to bedazzle your butt but good for that one! I have to say my favorites are always the grand personalities, so I am liking the Laura Bennett. I worry she can only design fur trimmed jackets, but she’s a favorite. Kayne is a treasure, of course, and I look forward to his evolution. Michael, however, seems to be getting the most buzz from my peeps – people just love his snazzy stuff and I must agree he’s proven quite apt.

Why does everyone hate Angela so?

Because she made her model into a hooker cupcake in the dog accessory challenge, that’s why. My god, the woman is in serious need of a few taste cells – just wait until she’s on her own again and see what she comes up with. But you never know, she may surprise us. And just for the record, I don’t hate her. In fact, I don’t really hate anyone this season but it’s still rather riveting nonetheless.

What are your top ten other television shows? How about five best reality shows? Do you have a favorite televised decade? What about creating your own dream show, either reality-based or fictitious (ie sitcom, drama)?

Oh my – and the questions keep coming! Okay, top ten TV shows (current) in no particular order: Venture Brothers, Weeds, So You Think You Can Dance, Who Wants to be a Superhero, CSI, Cash in the Attic (on BBC America), Real Rules/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat, Meerkat Manor, Survivorman, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (my guilty pleasure, it makes me feel like I’m giving to charity!). Five best reality shows of the year: Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, The Amazing Race and The Evening News. My dream show has yet to be attempted on a grand scale, yet Bravo did manage to do a “Battle of the Reality Stars” that never quite took off. I’d like to put together a “Battle of the Network Stars” just like they did back in the 70s, the best years for television in my mind. The Vietnam War stuff was wrapping up, leaving time for frivolous pursuits like “The Super Harlem Globetrotters” and “The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Hour” with Shaun Cassidy. (Don’t even get me going about “The Shazam/Isis Power Hour,” my heart can’t take it!) Anyhow, in my version of the “Battle of the Network Stars,” all those famous celebrities would compete against each other but mine would be wicked awesome and people would watch and that’s why it’d be different. Hell yeah.)

How can people stay tuned to your opinions? Are you syndicated?

You know, I’ve been trying to syndicate for some time now and I’m hoping to be available via print in more markets soon. But anyone interested in getting their daily fix of Telly Nelly GLBT television picks can check out my blog at www.TheTellyNelly.com and can also check out my weekly column published every Thursday in In Newsweekly, New England’s largest GLBT newspaper. (They made me say it or they’ll kill my mother!)

Thanks, Telly Nelly ... it's been a pleasure, keep in touch!